Though this has little to do with ADD, it has much to do with the life of others.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
That being said, I tragically lost an aunt one year ago today. Her death was highly unexpected and very, very upsetting.
I thought about her today as I looked at the roses. Having kept a red rose from her funeral, I remember her every time I see one. I did not remember the date, but I remember roses.
Isn’t it ironic? A symbol of love, trust, and romance turned into one of death, parting, and sadness?
As I walked into Walmart with a friend to finish shopping for a gift for my husband the scent and site of roses took me back…
They took me to a time when she took me out when I was about twelve. That was the first time I got my nails done. I remember glancing at her and smiling. She had thought me, her step-niece, worthy of taking out and being spoiled.
My mind jumped to another time when she confided a secret with me. A secret that made me uncomfortable and ultimately had a hand in her death.
She had invited me to the mall with some of her girlfriends, or so I thought. What she actually had done was take me on a double date.
Her choice in men was anything but what it should be. Although she brought her dates nephew to hang out with me, she wanted someone to be guilty with her. Her man was messed up… I did not know he was on illegal drugs, but I did see that he had some real problems as his mouth was sagging and his eyes weren’t right.
Who was I to judge who she dated? And what was I to say or do about it?
If I had said something, would it have changed her demise?
I don’t think so.
I don’t believe that anyone can influence the true choices of another, unless they ask for it. My aunt wanted someone to accept her so very bad that she resorted to taking a 19 year old girl with her on a double date that no one else would have approved of.
I didn’t approve either, but the little chicken that I am wouldn’t have said anything. Her life. Her choice. It may be selfish, but I think it would have done nothing but alienate her even more had I spoken up.
Of course I’ll never know, because I didn’t speak up.
Perhaps, in a way I feel sorry for her. I feel heartbroken for her.
In another way, I’m angry. Not like I was at first, but angry none-the-less. There was so much goodness in her. How dare she die!
My sister has even more memories of her. Good ones. At a mere 14 years old she resembles our aunt. Blonde hair and giant blue eyes show their similarities. And my aunt loved her very, very much.
K, my sister, reminded me today of how Aunt L. did Valentines day. Every year she would sneak in and leave a gift; stuffed animals, candy, and a sweet card. K says she still has every one. I don’t have any of mine anymore, but I do remember.
Last year, I was with K on Valentine’s Day. My mom called and told me what happened and I had just so happened to be the only one home with K. My eyes full of tears K could see the fear and upset in my eyes and made me tell her what happened.
“It’s bad,” I said.
“I want to know,” she said.
She knew, I think, before I said anything.
She turned her face and cried while I held her. We cried together.
Today, it’s her reminding me that it’s been a year. My turn to feel the loss, her turn to be the big kid. She’s always been too big for her britches anyway.
I had a good Valentine’s Day, despite the roses and the memories. But I hope we remember that the choices we make in life have power over those that care about us. Valentine’s Day is about putting forth our love, so let’s remember those we care about and treat them with the love they deserve.
That’s all.
Defeating the Deficit 