Archive for the ‘Mental Health’ Category

Recently, I’ve noticed that I’m slacking.

I started this ADHD Coaching journey all gung-ho, and now this little engine is loosing steam. I need to be more consistent with my ADHD, and not dive in, wear out, and jump back out. 

So after a little brainstorming session, I discovered that there are definite coping skills I use to help me remember and be consistent with ADHD.

Here are a few things that have helped me be more consistent with ADHD. 

1. Use reminder apps. 

You know how that morning tone coming from your phone or your alarm clock can set you on edge? It works, right? You wake up and know it’s time to get up, so you do it and move on with your day. That’s how reminder apps work!

There are two i-Phone apps I really like on setting to-do alarms, “Due” and “Weave”.

“Due” works great at setting repetitive tasks like, “take your meds,” “write that blog post,” and “finish your lesson plans”. There are many options on the alarm setting with intervals of hours, days, or even weeks and months making it easy to remind yourself of important tasks in the future, like changing your oil. 
“Weave” is project oriented. This means that I can break a task down into bits (a skill that is crucial to us Attention Deficit kids) and set reminders by task piece, and not panic about the entire thing all at once. 

2. Being consistent with ADHD means “just do it”. 

How many times have I cried to the tune of, “I don’t wanna”?

My coach, Dana Rayburn, laughed when I told her this. “Make fun of yourself!” she said, “make it worse than it really is by saying it in a baby voice, ‘WAAA!!! I DON’T WWWWAAAANNNNAAA!!!”

I tried that, and found that I insulted myself by poking fun at my 2-year-old self-ego. So instead, I went back to the first thing she told me. I looked at myself in a mirror, said, “Self, you need to grow up. Just friggin do it.” 

It worked! I may have to let out some not-so-pretty words, but it is truly the best tool in my toolbox of consistency with ADHD!

3. Focus on one thing at a time. 

Those of us who understand Attention Deficit know that we focus on too many things at once, failing to finish one task because we start on another. By reminding yourself to “finish this first” you can prevent that distraction all-together. 

Also, remember to keep it simple. Don’t add complex tasks to your already growing to-do list. Do what you know needs to be done, and then think about the rest.

Watch for my next blog, which will talk about focusing on one thing at a time in more depth. 

Tell me, how do you stay on task? I want to hear from you!


I was watching “Dancing With the Stars” tonight when it showed a beautiful girl from Africa.

It told her story of how she was adopted as a very sick girl and brought to America. As soon as she had healed she began to dance, and what a beautiful, talented dancer she was.

She came on and performed to Natasha Bedingfield‘s “Wild Horses”; a song that has resonated with me since the first time I heard it.

My eyes teared as I watched this young lady dance to the song. I feel the meaning deep into my soul and understand what it’s like to look on the world and wish for the freedom of a wild horse, racing the wind on a precipice under a tumultuous sky. 

I think those of us with ADD will always have this feeling; we’re so full of ideas and thoughts, dreams and desires that it is physically impossible for me to carry out everything I daydream up in a single day.

Some of those dreams will never be accomplished.

I doubt I will ever fly to the moon, as I told my 5th grade teacher I would. I also seriously doubt I will ever stand in front of millions and sing my heart out, as I used to try to convince my parents. Climbing Mt. Everest is out, as I dreamed earlier today, though I haven’t thrown out traversing across Italy as on Eat, Pray, Love. And I have yet to believe I won’t live in Colorado one day (my husband on the other hand…).

It’s these dreams that find me wanting to “run with the wild horses” because that is where my mind is.

The truth is all this is that I already am running with the wild horses. I’m home free every time I type, every time I take one step closer to learning how I work differently than people without ADD, and every time I learn something new.

So here’s to running with the wild horses, hope you enjoy the video…I wish I had one of the girl on Dancing With the Stars. Sorry it isn’t up yet!

If you haven’t considered coaching, check out Dana Rayburn. I love my coach, she has truly changed the way I look at ADD!

Doe behind my home 🙂

When I close my eyes and imagine the future, I see a brick house, surrounded by a sparse wood, or near a lake or pond, preferably on a hill or near some mountains…but I can’t have everything. 😉

Inside that house I see comfortable living room with my future kids watching a movie, eating popcorn with their friends. I see a large kitchen, a little messy, but set up for good use, perhaps with the remnants of a good meal waiting to be placed in the dishwasher I don’t have yet.

I see a master bedroom, french doors open to the outdoors where a small, private patio awaits my attention. A fire-pit, two large outdoor chairs, and a small table make the space feel cozy.

There I sit, Husband nearby, simmering cup of tea and computer in hand, immersed in my work, cool breeze playing with my hair. Perhaps the fire is going, perhaps I’m wrapped in a throw, perhaps this small outdoor room is simply off the kitchen, but that is where you’ll find me. Always writing, always where I can see outside.

There was a time I imagined these things, and threw out the idea. I wanted to live in Colorado, near a rushing river. Or I saw myself in the mountains of Montana, roughing that cold winter for the stunning summer to follow.

Perhaps no matter where you are it’s necessary to rough the winter and live for the summer. Don’t we all have cold winters? Even down here in Texas it freezes sometimes, deserts are bitterly cold at night, and the truth is I’m not sure if I could chill with snow.

For the first time in my life I’m not fighting my idea of the future. I’m still transitioning, but aren’t we all? Who in the world isn’t in a state of transition?

Maybe I just like where my life is heading. I like that I am in control of my surroundings, I like that I’m in control of my ADD, and I like that I’m finding peace in something I love.

Maybe all I needed this whole time was to believe in myself. Look what happened when I gave it all up.

As I type, fat deer are running across the field behind my house. As always I’m on the porch, enjoying the weather. Soon it will be 100 degrees and the mosquitoes will chase me back in, for now I’ll enjoy the pleasant weather and praise God we have it.

Until next time…

One major problem in married adults with ADD/ADHD is that those of us with ADD/ADHD sometimes are blind to the plight of our spouse.

We See the World Differently

Recently, I discovered a difference in my husband and I that shocked me.

You see, I have my whole life planned out. I know exactly what I want, I set goals to try to reach them, and I will fight until I meet the goal I set for myself. Anything not in that plan upsets me.

My husband on the other hand, is content, always. He doesn’t like to plan his life. He calls me a “dreamer” and considers himself to “live in the now”. Thinking ahead is pointless to him, because it isn’t what is happening.

It Causes Frustrations

This past week I was hired as a ghost writer; my first real job writing. I was so excited. I desired the occupation of “writer” since I was a youngster. Blame JK Rowling, George Orwell, and perhaps a hair of the ten-thousand other books I’ve devoured in my lifetime.

This new job of mine is a side thing, it pays well and I am in no way quitting my teaching job… but I plan to eventually. Hopefully, I will eventually have my own business and take over the world (well, that may be planning too far ahead).

My lovely husband, who is fundamentally different than me, did not see this in the same light as me.

First he couldn’t understand how I could ever make any money writing. Naturally, I was fully up-to-date on the latest and greatest research and told him the going rate. He still refused to believe me, saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

That would be that live in the now mindset.

Then, when I was so excited and showed him that I could make money writing, he suddenly had a new worry.

“How are you going to do taxes?”

Valid question. I set off immediately to figure that out, calling the best expert I know and researching, researching, researching. In less than 24 hours after he posed that question, I set up a folder for receipts, I opened a separate checking account, I found billing templates and information, and I was ready to write.

I then told Jake about how it all worked.

He flat-out told me he didn’t think I could do it.

I was devastated. At first.

I don’t think he believes that, exactly. I didn’t believe his apology after I became quite angry and hurt at his words; especially since I was working so hard to accomplish my goals.

What I think happened is that I wasn’t sensitive to the way he views the world.

His coping skills are separate than mine. My ADD/ADHD brain that was in hyper-drive and was rushing to and fro frantically trying to carry out a future goal overwhelmed him.

In all reality, I think he was upset that things were changing. That the plan he envisioned (which is one of things never being any different than they are now) is not something he can control by simply living.

A home-grown business requires planning, it requires thought processes to figure out where you have to go from here. Perhaps that overwhelms him, just as not knowing can overwhelm me.

He works with my faults and differences.

Now maybe I need to learn how to work with his.

It is my business after all, he doesn’t tell me every aspect of his job, maybe I simply shouldn’t tell him every aspect of mine.

“I took care of it.”

That is probably the only thing he was looking for. Instead he got the who, what, when, where, why, how, and all the details in between—information overload. My brain wants that information, his rejects it.

Learning differences is the key trait in trying to make a marriage work, especially in adults with ADD/ADHD. Understanding what I did wrong is the way to change it. Such is life.

Lesson learned.

It’s Monday, who wants to read 1,000 words?

Instead, I’ll leave you with some favorite photos from my Instagram. Love that App… Even if Facebook did take it over. If you have it, feel free to follow me! My Instagram name is daynakay.

Have a happy Monday!

There is this thing called boggling with ADD/ADHD (and maybe some of you regular folks as well).

Boggling is where one’s brain power shuts down completely. It is where frustrations occur and ADD/ADHD kids start walking in circles in an attempt to complete some task (that may never be completed!)

Anyway, this is my Boggle story!

I have perhaps failed to mention that I am a decent musician. It’s by no means something I do as anything more but a hobby, but I’m not too shabby.

In fact, I play that sexy saxophone fairly well, I dapple with guitar chords (okay, I can play quite a few songs, and read tabs), I tinker on the piano (mostly by ear, though I’m fully capable of reading the music), and I’m a downright pro at that little plastic flute you probably had to learn in the 5th grade. I know all the fingerings and even figured out how to play the theme song to The Titanic, yup, the very one that is touted as coming out in 3-D pretty soon.

That being said, there is one instrument I have wanted to play forever and always. The Fiddle. Oh, what a sleek instrument! How many times have I drooled over a flirty fiddle player on stage, crooked grin and sharp looks.

Not to mention the sound! Oh how beautiful is a fiddle singing in the middle of a rock-song? And what is Southern Country (specifically Texas Country) or blue-grass without a fiddle?

My adoration of fiddlers aside, I had a chance to fiddle with a fiddle yesterday. It was glorious!

Here’s the story:

On our way home from town my husband proposes we invite his young cousin over to show us his new “toy”.

I wasn’t too excited at first, it was getting late and I had to be at work the following morning, but I caved at the thought of getting to tamper with a fiddle, an opportunity I had never had before.

This cousin of his, Trestin, came by at around 8:00 pm, fiddle in hand. I was enthralled the second it came out of the case. He held it up and showed us what he could do, busting out a few notes and proudly displaying a small sense of accomplishment at his week’s worth of self-taught practice.

After a few moments, Jake and I took turns playing; laughing as we sought for the right amount of pressure to slide the bow across the strings and learned about rosin, a distinct lack of frets, and the difference in a fiddle and a guitar.

In less than ten minutes I had looked up information and played the scale for the key of G, still seeking the right amount of bow pressure, I began to get frustrated. I gave the fiddle back to my husband and his cousin to play for a few moments.

Upon taking the fiddle back, I promptly figured out the easiest song I know to play. It’s probably the first song I ever play on a new instrument, “Mary Had A Little Lamb.”

In less than an hour, I had pulled up sheet music to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” and “Amazing Grace,” but it doesn’t end there; I also figured out how to play them.

I stunned the boys in the room. In that time frame my poor husband quit playing altogether claiming that he “doesn’t play with people who suck.” His cousin learned the songs as I taught them to him.

I make it sound so easy here! In truth, my ADD/ADHD got in the way…oh about every five minutes.

I would get extremely frustrated with my inability to play fluently and have to give up the fiddle and teach what I learned for a few moments. The result of this was astounding, not only did I learn faster, but by taking short breaks from one type of learning (doing) and instead using another type of learning (teaching) I prevented myself from Boggling.

I learned a valuable lesson! Focus on what I can do, rather than attempt more than I can deal with at one time. Short, frequent bursts of learning intermittent with short, frequent breaks can really help prevent boggling from occurring in the ADD/ADHD brain!


So I’m not the greatest gardener in the world. In fact, generally speaking my gardening skills are murderous. Literally. Nothing green lives under my neglectful, ADD sense of responsibility.

Until I ran across succulents.

You see? Certain types of plants actually do better under the care of a neglectful owner.

It all started last summer when I wanted to spruce up our porch. I came home with $50 worth of cactus and succulents and proceeded to plant my very first DIY planter. I used an old washtub I found in a run down barn across the street, drilled in a few holes on the bottom, filled it with potting soil mixed with well-draining soil, and planted my cute little succulents.

And it was cute.

Until my cute little succulents took over the old washtub and began to cascade over the side. Now I wonder exactly how big that plant is supposed to get and what the heck I’m going to do when it takes over the front porch…

That being said, it appears I can grow succulents as well as my grandfather can grow fruit trees. I’m quite proud.

So, having found something that may stay alive in our full-sun flower beds, my husband and I set out to make our flower beds…well… Flower beds. Other than the two rose bushes that were well established when we moved in, I can’t keep any of the “normal” plants alive.

I bought the plants fairly small, because, well, I learned my lesson about small plants. They grow. Sometimes they grow to be quite large. My succulent from last year has tripled in size in less than a year. What does that tell you?

In all this I’ve learned quite a lesson. Not everyone can grow a Begonia, but not everyone can grow a cactus either. My grandfather claims he can’t grow any form of succulent or cacti, he “smothers” them with water.

Every human is different, and that’s okay. It’s just all a matter of “what works for you.”

For me? I can’t wait to see how much my neglect can make those plants in the front flower bed blossom.