So Content I’m Purring

Posted: April 23, 2012 in ADD, ADHD, Mental Health, muse, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Doe behind my home 🙂

When I close my eyes and imagine the future, I see a brick house, surrounded by a sparse wood, or near a lake or pond, preferably on a hill or near some mountains…but I can’t have everything. 😉

Inside that house I see comfortable living room with my future kids watching a movie, eating popcorn with their friends. I see a large kitchen, a little messy, but set up for good use, perhaps with the remnants of a good meal waiting to be placed in the dishwasher I don’t have yet.

I see a master bedroom, french doors open to the outdoors where a small, private patio awaits my attention. A fire-pit, two large outdoor chairs, and a small table make the space feel cozy.

There I sit, Husband nearby, simmering cup of tea and computer in hand, immersed in my work, cool breeze playing with my hair. Perhaps the fire is going, perhaps I’m wrapped in a throw, perhaps this small outdoor room is simply off the kitchen, but that is where you’ll find me. Always writing, always where I can see outside.

There was a time I imagined these things, and threw out the idea. I wanted to live in Colorado, near a rushing river. Or I saw myself in the mountains of Montana, roughing that cold winter for the stunning summer to follow.

Perhaps no matter where you are it’s necessary to rough the winter and live for the summer. Don’t we all have cold winters? Even down here in Texas it freezes sometimes, deserts are bitterly cold at night, and the truth is I’m not sure if I could chill with snow.

For the first time in my life I’m not fighting my idea of the future. I’m still transitioning, but aren’t we all? Who in the world isn’t in a state of transition?

Maybe I just like where my life is heading. I like that I am in control of my surroundings, I like that I’m in control of my ADD, and I like that I’m finding peace in something I love.

Maybe all I needed this whole time was to believe in myself. Look what happened when I gave it all up.

As I type, fat deer are running across the field behind my house. As always I’m on the porch, enjoying the weather. Soon it will be 100 degrees and the mosquitoes will chase me back in, for now I’ll enjoy the pleasant weather and praise God we have it.

Until next time…

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